Woniya Thibeault, the first female winner of the History Channel’s reality competition show Alone, always wanted to be a mother. But after she turned 46, having already experienced a miscarriage in her late thirties, she accepted the possibility that she may never have children. In June of last year, Thibeault spoke about this difficult realization during a storytelling event hosted by storytelling nonprofit The Moth. Her period was three days late, and she felt absolutely exhausted. She assumed the excitement of promoting her new book, Never Alone: A Solo Arctic Survival Journey, was simply sapping her energy. Days later, Thibeault learned that she was pregnant. Her son, Hawthorn, was born in February.

　　As a longtime fan of Alone, I became enthralled by Thibeault after she tapped out from the shores of Great Slave Lake during season six. Her ability to listen to her body and respect her limits resonated with me and many other viewers. When she announced her pregnancy—only a year and half after she left the wilderness as the winner of Alone: Frozen—I knew that as a nature-lover and foraging enthusiast, there was a discussion to be had about the connection between pregnancy, motherhood, and surviving in the wilderness. I recently interviewed Thibeault on a video chat while she breastfed Hawthorn and then let him sleep on her shoulder. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

　　OUTSIDE: From two seasons of Alone to pregnancy and childbirth at 47, your body has endured a lot. Can you talk about this?

　　THIBEAULT: We had a traumatic birth. I had a C-section which was not remotely what I expected. I was angry with the doctor. Honestly, it felt like his fault. And then I learned from my midwife, who’d been out of town for the birth because Hawthorn came early, that the baby and I probably would have died without the C-section. Feeling like my body wasn’t capable was really hard. I had a lot of grief around that. It was harder emotionally recovering from birth because of that sense of my body betraying me. Childbirth is one critical defining thing about being a woman, and I was unable to do it without surgical assistance. My body didn’t recover until I was able to better process and face the emotional parts. I was just stuck in it for a while because of that grief, anger, shame, and guilt.

　　How did Alone prepare you for pregnancy and childbirth?

　　Having experienced what I did on Alone, I do feel that I was better equipped to handle all physical challenges. The birth was absolutely a near-death experience and very traumatic. But I also wasn’t really freaking out, even when the baby’s heart rate was going way down, and it was looking dicey. I had a sense of inner-calm through it because I survived really intense stuff already. In the hospital I had support, and so I think that I had less fear than I would have, had I not done Alone. The hunger and depletion of pregnancy felt very much like survival. I would say it’s the same kind of deep physiological need.

　　During season six, you tapped out because you listened to your body. How did you apply this lesson to pregnancy?

　　It’s interesting because the show pushes you to give it everything and you get into that mindset. I hit this point during season six where I realized I didn’t believe in this, and if I continue, I’m modeling this for millions of people. How could I do that?

　　Pregnancy and birth change your body. But on Alone I went through losing 50 pounds and then gaining it back. I’d already seen my body endure insane changes, and I think that helped me know that I could go through childbirth and recover and find normalcy again. If I had known that pregnancy was coming, I would have prepared for it differently, but I was actively recovering from starvation on Alone when I got pregnant. Nutrition was definitely something I concentrated on. I’m an advocate of what I call primal- or paleo-nutrition—eating more of the foods that our ancestors ate, like organ meats. The first couple of weeks after giving birth, I felt like I was dying. But I also think I recovered better and quicker than most people partly because of good nutrition, and because I’ve been so in touch with my body. To me, eating something wild every day feels really important.

　　The hunger and depletion of pregnancy felt very much like survival. I would say it’s the same kind of deep physiological need.

　　Would you compete on Alone again? 

　　During season six, I never wanted to leave. But on Frozen, I had to convince myself to stay every single day. It was so hard and there were a lot of factors involved, like having a partner waiting for me at home. There was PTSD in my body. I didn’t think of my first season as traumatic, but then you get back out in the wilderness and you realize it was actually really hard. My body was remembering that trauma. With all that said, both times were the most amazing experiences of my life. When am I ever going to be able to live in pristine Canadian wilderness by myself and use a trap line that would usually be illegal? I long for those experiences again, but I don’t know that I could step away from my son.

　　You built a strong skillset of self-sufficiency and adaptability during your time in the wilderness. How has this translated to motherhood? 

　　In Labrador, the weather was so terrible that even if I was able to get a rare satellite signal for my rescue radio, they would need to wait for hurricane-force winds to calm so they could fly a helicopter. There wasn’t a guaranteed immediate rescue. Just like motherhood, you don’t have an immediate tap-out option. And you’re just in it from the time you’re pregnant. We’re so entitled in our normal world because we can have anything we want with the click of a button, and that is unprecedented in history. We’re not adaptable. We’re not healthy. We’re not emotionally grounded and stable. Having whatever you want, whenever you want is really bad for you. Mothering is often about sacrificing what you want and need. I thought it was impossible to survive postpartum. It was so hard, but I had no choice. I couldn’t not feed my baby when he was hungry. I couldn’t just fall asleep when my baby was screaming and I felt like throwing up from exhaustion. Survival, pregnancy, and motherhood are the things you have to do because it needs to get done—and that’s beautiful.